I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
