I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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