Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
