you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
