remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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