I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
