like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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