Your face is a jimmy john
Duck Duck Cougar?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
