remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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