You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
