Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
two words...techno handjob
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Semen is not good for contacts.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize