How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
