I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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