and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
