Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
