Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
