I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
