Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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