In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
