She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
