i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
