My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
