There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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