you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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