I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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