oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He felt like a one man threesome
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
