I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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