Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
