i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
