Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
