tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
MIDGETS
????
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
