So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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