I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
