they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Terrible idea I love it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing