I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.