Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
