it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
