It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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