What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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