you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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