goodnight i made you a song goodbye
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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