the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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