Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
