I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
