you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
