I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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