I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
