Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
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I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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