i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
