Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
