Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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