Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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