That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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