the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
