why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
