Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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