Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize