Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
