My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
did i walk over a car last night?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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