WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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