I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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