Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
did i walk over a car last night?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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