Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
