He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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