i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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