Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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