i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
