First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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