Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
