I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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