Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
