so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
