I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
