come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
