Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
