my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
