He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
