I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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