All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
