I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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